I want to marry Alfonso Cuaron and have his little marvellous shimmering babies.

At last, there is a Harry Potter film that truly is magical. This film clearly has a life of its own; the acting is inspired, the music is compelling, and the direction is passionate and tongue-in-cheek (and, yes, as in the film itself, the double-entendre is intended).

It's Harry's third year at Hogwarts. A murderer is on the loose; a Hippogriff is under threat; soul-sucking Dementors circle the school, and Ron and Hermione's relationship takes on a new level of adolescent awkwardness. With the help of Lupin, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Harry hones a new talent and discovers a life-changing secret from the past.

Amazingly, a book the size of a small brick is captured perfectly in a little over two hours, with a few trademark Cuar((oacute))n nuances added besides (watch for the tableau straight out of Y tu mama tambien). Gary Oldman shines as Sirius Black, and his role should not disappoint fans of *ahem* alternative fiction. Emma Thompson's Professor Trelawney is hilarious, and even the Whomping Willow is a treat to watch.

See this film or be doomed to eternal regret...