In the not too distant future, the last gasps of humanity are fighting a desperate war against a terrifying artificial intelligence with a vast number of robots. A desperate manoeuvre to win the war involved the machines sending a killer robot back through time, with the resistance sending a human soldier back to stop it. But that was many years ago, and times were different then…

Three sequels and a TV series later, the Terminator timeline has gone kinda nutty. Now, Sarah Connor (Clarke) has encountered a T-800 (Arnie!) about a decade before she should have, and has been training with him to protect herself and the rest of mankind ever since.

So when Kyle Reese (Courtney) shows up from the future to save her in 1984, she gets to save him first, much to his surprise. And that’s just the first change to the world we all thought we knew – anything and everything could be up for grabs.

But enough about plot. You wanna know “are there cool robots and explosions?” And yes, there are a crapload. Vehicles and buildings will be smashed, bashed, demolished and destroyed. New and strange robots will be attempting to deal out death on all kinds of occasions. Bullets will spew forth in violent profusion. And Arnie? He will most definitely be back. Both of him.

André Le Nôtre (Schoenaerts) was principal gardener to King Louis XIV of France, in charge of transforming the grounds around Versailles into the most elaborate gardens in Europe. He believes in imposing visible order on landscape. But he is intrigued by one of the gardeners who applies to assist him, the (rather obviously fictional) Sabine De Barra (Winslet), who is a believer in chaos (albeit, as you might guess from the title, not too much of it).

The unhappily married André and the widow-with-a-dark-secret Sabine fall in love as she struggles to build her corner of the vast gardens, in the face of hostility from all the other landscape gardeners who barely bother to conceal their fangs. There’s really not much more to the movie than that – and it doesn’t really matter. I could happily watch Kate Winslet breathe for two hours if I had to, and the countryside is lovely (it’s actually England, standing in for France).And there is at least a fascinating background, with France’s aristocracy about to be herded into Versailles, which they correctly sense to be a luxurious, gilded prison.

Worth watching among the cast is Stanley Tucci (pity we don’t see more of him), and Alan Rickman, who as director has cast himself as the king. As I half expected him to remark, it’s good to be the king.